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I was in such a silly state and terrified of the General Anaesthetic, but once it was done the bleeding did slow down and I went home the next day. I hope this has not been too gruesome a read, but it might help someone else who has something similar.
We were both gutted and I felt like a hollow shell for a very long time. [[File:tin3.jpg|300px|right]]
And somehow you need closure. I had by now decided that there was no god. From that point on something said it's bunkum. So I needed another way to say goodbye. We went to Cornwall for a week's holiday as Artists in Residence at Camelot Castle (a mad, but magnificent hotel in Tintagel). We did a lot of walking and one of our walks took us to St. Nectan's Glen. It's a long walk through woodland that takes you to the most beautiful place. One can only describe it as magical. There is a stunning waterfall, crashing down the rocks; which is surrounded by trees strewn with ribbons, dancing in the breeze and photos and mementos of loved ones are everywhere. All around are piles of delicately balanced Fairy stones and pebbles. We went to the cave above where St Nectan lived (allegedly) and it was filled with candles and more photographs,with a book of memories to write in. We had no idea that we would find ourselves in this moving and incredibly spiritual place and I wrote a goodbye to our little one, who never made it, in the book. It seemed a lovely place to leave him. [[File:tin2.jpg|500px|left]]
But now we had realized we wanted a baby, we had to start down that long and winding road. I had a second mc at 9 weeks and this was not anywhere near as bad. I knew from week 6, as I felt things were wrong with no symptoms and the Dr very kindly arranged a scan which confirmed my worst fears. But it was ok. I decided to let it happen naturally and I had a very painful and heavy period, but it was all do-able as this little one had never had a heartbeat.
After that, I didn't conceive naturally again and we both decided after a couple of years to go abroad for IVF. That story is here [[Mad Margaret's Story]]
But we do have a happy ending. We have two year old twins, a boy and a girl. And we We are very happylucky people. [[File:tin1.jpg|500px|right]] --[[User:Mad Margaret|Mad Margaret]] ([[User talk:Mad Margaret|talk]]) [[File:Mad Margaret.jpg|64px|link=User:Mad Margaret|Mad Margaret]] 18:13, 10 May 2013 (UTC)