Pinky's story
My fertility journey began so long ago that it almost feels like another lifetime. I feel as though I have done quite a good job of burying the pain of my infertility ( Having children has been an awfully good remedy for my own angst and naval gazing tendencies.) but I will never forget it , the creeping panic in the middle of the night when I would lie there thinking that somehow I was not worthy to be a mother, that it was the universe’s plan that it ‘’wasn’t meant to be’’. A sickening fear that dripped like a tap through my soul for the best part of ten years. But, as hideous as it was, I think there is very little that I would change now. All that heartache and disappointment I would relive in a heart beat if I knew that at the end I would be rewarded by my two beautiful daughters who have fulfilled my purpose in life.
Infertility sucks, I doubt I have to tell you that as I guess if you are reading this, there is a possibility that you are experiencing something similar, or know someone who is experiencing it. All I can say is, knowledge is power. Read everything, join forums, (Most of us met through Fertility Friends which was my life saver for many years) Talk to people who truly understand and care. There is things you can say to your friends, family, partner, husband, wife or whatever but obsessive wittering about your menstrual cycle to anybody outside your infertile friends will, I’m afraid, be met with a luke warm reception. I learnt so much through ‘FF’ (Fertility Friends) and for a very long time I would trawl through different threads and topics, searching for answers to why I damn well couldn’t get pregnant. It was just a massive jigsaw puzzle with a few pieces missing but I was determined to find the answers. I had realized that I couldn’t find the answers through my doctors and so I would have to turn detective and do the work myself!
To cut a really long story short , as you may be in a state of near coma by now, after seven iui’s (Intra-uterine inseminations) three IVF’s with my own eggs in this country, and a brief flirt with the idea of adoption, we headed over to a clinic in Greece for IVF using donor eggs. The first treatment resulted in a pregnancy (hurrah!!) but a week later it failed (Boo!) Undeterred, I tried again... nothing! Not even a sniff of a second line on a pregnancy test. This was getting scary as I had been told I had about a 75% chance of a successful pregnancy. In between the second and third time, I decided to badger my GP for a few basic immune tests. I casually asked him to test me for Coeliac disease. His response was ‘’you won’t have it my dear’’ But, I’m quite ‘persuasive’ and so I was tested. Of course, I found out that I had it at age 42. How long I had had this condition I will never know but it can affect fertility. Fast forward about 6 months, and I was well in the swing of a gluten free existence (which hasn’t been as horrific as I had anticipated, I may even share a GF choccy cake recipe with you another time!) I was primed and ready for my third ivf. This time it worked. I still can’t believe it really. From thinking I would never ever be a mother I, not only got pregnant, but got pregnant with twins! I gave birth to two amazing and fabulous daughters (whom for the purpose of Wikimums I will call Pickle and Pudding) they are now two years and three months, (I am now 45 by the way) They are so different to each other in every way that sometimes it’s hard to believe they are siblings, let alone twins! They run me ragged, drive me crazy, make me weep with exhaustion and pure joy and love! I can’t wait to chat more with you about the highs and lows and nuttiness of parenthood
