Changes

My fertility journey began so long ago that it almost feels like another lifetime. I feel as though I have done quite a good job of burying the pain of my infertility ( Having children has been an awfully good remedy for my own angst and naval gazing tendencies.) but I will never forget it , the creeping panic in the middle of the night when I would lie there thinking that somehow I was not worthy to be a mother, that it was the universe’s plan that it ‘’wasn’t meant to be’’. A sickening fear that dripped like a tap through my soul for the best part of ten years. But, as hideous as it was, I think there is very little that I would change now. All that heartache and disappointment I would relive in a heart beat if I knew that at the end I would be rewarded by my two beautiful daughters who have fulfilled my purpose in life.