Changes

I say “suffered” because that’s how it felt. A consultant at the clinic we had treatment at described infertility as “a disease and diseases are there to be treated”.

We were lucky I guess, we have a little boy following the treatment, for many others the battles continue and become life consuming.

Anyone experiencing infertility will have gone through years of disappointment, anguish - despair even.

For those fortunate never to experience the pains of infertility including my own family and friends, they can never truly understand the feelings felt by so many people longing to become parents.

I look back now at my journey and think how can I put into context what the 8 years of trying to conceive was like?

From the monthly disappointment of the dreaded period arriving, starting on the IVF treadmill, from test after test coming back “clear” and constantly wondering “am I not meant to be a Mummy”, going from a fear of needles to willingly stabbing myself in the tummy, suffering headaches, sweats, pains in the abdomen in the hope of that illusive magical positive pregnancy test!

First treatment for us I was convinced would work - well why wouldn’t it? Nothing was found on any tests for me or my partner. My mum had three daughters, my sister has a son and daughter - so why can’t I, what’s wrong with me???? Besides what is “unexplained infertility” how can it be unexplained?

I wanted answers, I especially wanted answers when my period arrived early

During the follow up appointment my partner and consultant discussed the fact it was like a penalty shoot out - the first attempt misses but the second or third attempt may score! Talking about football when our whole world had fallen apart! MEN!!!

Second attempt - well I was more casual, almost convincing myself it wouldn’t work, looking back I guess I was trying to prevent the hurt and upset if it didn’t work again.